i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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