I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
