That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
