also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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