The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
