Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
