I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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