I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
