I hate all girls vehemently.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
