A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
