How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
