I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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