she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
