Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
