I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it glows. i had to have it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
