I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He shit in the fireplace
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
