he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
