I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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