Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
