This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
