Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
