that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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