I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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