this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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