you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize