you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
