Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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