i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
