Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
