If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What a dumb baby whore.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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