My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
