I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
