; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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