If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
