My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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