My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize