4 words: hood of his car
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
