i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
