theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
