I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
