I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Rumble strips road head = magical
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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