my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Soap is not a condiment
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
