So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize