i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
