I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
