i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
