he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
