I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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