So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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