So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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