Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
