Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
