I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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