I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
