ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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