Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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