You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize