who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
