Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
