Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
handjob tips. give me some.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
