New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
