I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
