Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
