So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
