yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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