sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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