Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize