thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
