wanna go halves on a baby?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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