obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
