i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize