2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
