It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
