Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
