I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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