Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
