He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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