Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
