some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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