i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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