While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
