Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Shame - the story of my life.
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