i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
