All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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